2009 was a crazy year for me. It started off recovering from an unexpected c-section while having my sweet Rebecca. In March, my husband announced his grand scheme to get back into the Air Force. Then it was months of him planning this and working towards it. (He lost 56 pounds for it) We struggled with my oldest daughters ADD and constant issues learning at school. Dustin finally graduated from engineering school in August. What a beautiful thing!
In June, a friends father passed away in a horrible motorcycle accident. That marked a turning point for me spiritually and emotionally. It sparked a huge desire for change in my life. It was then I decided that I needed to cut out poisonous friendships and learn how to develop good, lasting, supportive, concrete friendships.
The hardest part is knowing that there are relationships in my life that are poisonous that I cannot cut myself from. Unfortunately, they are family members. Family is family, you just deal. And I am, but it made it all the more important for me to cut off people who were just friends who played too important a role in my life, that honestly, were constantly sucking the life from me. I didn’t even know it, until that time how much that was true. I mean, we had our ups and downs previously, but this was a moment I just knew that it had to end. I have no desire to ever have this person in my life again. I feel bad for feeling that way, but it’s true. Thirteen years this person has been very close to me. It’s weird but I don’t feel sad or miss this person. I don’t want to say I don’t care about them, cause I do. I want the very best for them. I just cannot allow them back to that place in my life that they were. I would hear their voice in everything I did. Their voice replaced God’s voice. I am finally hearing God’s voice more clearly again and because of that, I cannot miss the other friendship. I need God more then I need anyone. That I know for sure. He is the very life I breathe.
I do desire a new friend though. I need friends who have a strong faith like me. I miss having someone to pray with. To encourage me with His heart. I believe some day He will give me that. I am counting on it. 🙂