Trusting Him. It’s so hard for me to do. Letting go of my ideas of what I want for me, and grabbing hold of what He wants for me. Sometimes it is the same thing, but sometimes it isn’t. For me, it is letting Him into the very places I try to control, and yielding myself to Him. It’s just so hard to do. I fight to keep hold of things, and He is always gentle, never demanding.
I am letting go of food this year as my comforter, and grabbing tightly to Him to comfort me. I can’t believe I just typed those words, but it is my goal. I am amazed how much I turn to food to make me feel better, instead of going to Him and letting Him heal me up and make me better. So, when I do not have food to turn to, I feel completely out of control. I am working on this one every day. It’s going to take many days to conquer it. I am determined though.
My husband got the news he has been waiting for about our future. He is leaving for the Air Force in April, and I will be here with the kids for an indefinite amount of time. I had a little hissy fit about it to God. He was quiet and reserved, let me get it out, then He spoke gently, “You can do all things through Christ who gives you strength. Your sufficiency comes from Me.” I didn’t even put up a fit at that, I just said, “Oh, yeah. Guess I can do it then, huh?” I am determined to live every day my husband is gone relying completely on the Holy Spirit for survival. And while it is not my greatest desire to be without my husband, I am sure that I will come out on the other side of this a whole lot stronger in trusting Him. 🙂
This week has also brought revelation to me concerning some hurts of my past. I have been mistreated by men with their words, thoughts, and actions as long as I can remember. God came to me in a dream sunday morning and spoke to me to forgive them all for their improper thoughts and words towards me. I have been praying that through ever since. And I believe this will bring me to a new place of trust also. I am amazed at His patience and love for me.
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me… I hold tightly to His hand.