I keep trying to change my heart, but it keeps remaining unchanged.
I am exhausted. I feel frustrated. disappointed. sad. angry. ready for change. Why am I the same?
I admit it, I am totally backslidden. I refused to say that up until this point. Why? Because I so desperately wanted to change. I repented all the time. I accepted God’s forgiveness for my inability to change over and over again.
My goal was for one thing, to find closeness with my God again. It’s gone. Maybe the truth is He has cut me from the vine. Could that be? That is how I feel right now. I feel as if all my efforts are for nothing and what am I to do?
I need Him. I want Him. I do not have Him. Where are you, Father? Where do I find You?