I am quite aware of my many failures in life. Too aware I suppose, and it has crippled me, to the point where I am very unsure of myself and the truths I may try to present. Maybe that is the reason why I focus on the negatives in my life, maybe I feel so negatively about myself and that is all I have to share? Blogging is my therapy, I guess.
Dustin and I have been married 14.5 years. This is no ordinary feet in my eyes, as both our parents were divorced. We have had circumstances that have tested us to our core, and yet we have somehow managed to keep going, and to press through the hard times. One thing truly holds us together, LOVE, we love each other and we love God. It’s our glue.
I am going to step back in time though, to share something personal that I learned in my early years of marriage. What you say to your spouse matters. Your words have a tremendous impact on their feeling about themselves. Well, it seems positive words don’t have as deep of an impact, but negative words can devastate them.
When we got married, neither one of us had a clue how to be “married”. We had no clue how to keep our marriage together. We had no idea how to love and be loved. We suffered two miscarriages early on, and were going through a hard time financially, we had no car. Dustin had to ride his bike to get groceries. He would put just enough in his backpack to get us through. This put a lot of stress on our brand new marriage. He and I have a different way in which we think, and even a different way we explain the same thing. I am more simple minded, he is more complex. At times, he makes things a hundred times more complicated then it needs to be. Early on though, I could not understand why he did that. I still don’t, but I have accepted it, early on I could not understand him. I honestly thought he was dumb. That’s terrible, but it’s true. Not only did I think this way, but I treated him this way, and eventually it led me to say it to him twice. I called him an idiot. Saying that to you right now actually saddens my heart, but I came from a home where they regularly called each other horrible names and they were so filled with detest for each other. That’s all I knew. I saw though immediately how rejected he felt and deflated.
I made up my mind right then that we would never call each other names, even in frustration or anger. We would never speak negatively to each other. This doesnt’ mean we can’t express disappointment, or ask for them to change in areas. How you word things to your spouse is what matters. Figure out how to build them up as much as you can, and don’t focus on the negative.
One scripture has had a deep impact on how I view my home and marriage….
A wise woman builds her home,but a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands. (New Living Translation)
I challenge you to take this to heart, to spend more time building your home rather then tearing it down with your own hands (or words).