Let’s just say, this week has been particularly hormonal and emotional.
I love homeschooling. I love what it represents, to me that’s family togetherness, growing in God and learning together. I love knowing who and what will influence my children day in and day out. I love knowing I can buy a new curriculum if this one doesn’t work for us. There are things that are hard about homeschooling, it seems it can be a huge money drain. lol. And sometimes everyone else in my house is negative about homeschooling, and everyone has a reason to complain. Sometimes, it feels like I am carrying a 3 ton load behind me as I slowly drag it uphill. I get tired. I get discouraged. I need breaks. I get more empty then I ever thought possible…. simply drained….
This week is one of those weeks. I am drained. I am facing this huge obstacle with my daughter who is 9. Every day I have to explain to her how to do her math problems, the same kind…. EVERY DAY. As I said, it’s the same problems she did yesterday, how in the world does she forget how to do it overnight? Then there’s the issue of her memorizing any math facts. IT’s like her brain just shuts off. So, I have been pouring over ideas and curriculum. I know I need to change our curriculum. It requires more money though, of course. So, I have been trying to shop and see and ask other people their thoughts. I am not going to jump into any curriculum, I already did that once. I don’t want to do that again.
I just feel like I am facing so many obstacles. I cannot even speak of them all. Very personal obstacles. And the doubt crept in, maybe I am not really cut out for this after all. Maybe I should quit. Selfishly, that sounds like a good idea. Yes, I said selfishly…. Because homeschooling has been what I have been pouring my whole heart and soul into for months. This is not a half hearted adventure… I have been in this with my whole being. If I sent the kids to school…. I would have hours and hours a day of near quiet. (still have the 2 year old) I could get chores done, no one would be messing up the house really for most of the day. Laundry would be caught up. I could blog more. I could play games, watch tv, eat bon bons.
But… alas… the idea of sending them back to public school turns my stomach. It’s just not right for me or our family. Homeschooling is so much more to me then teaching my kids math…. it’s discovering life together, learning, loving, finding God, learning His word…. and the list goes on and on….. I just wish everyone else could see what I see…..