I am a very open and honest person, I think. Well, I know I am. I have been known a time or two to offend people, unintentionally with my ability to say what I think. I also have been known a time or two to open up my big fat mouth just a little too much and reveal pretty much the total contents of my heart and mind. Ay!
I have felt very lost concerning friendships, and I haven’t quite known what an adult friendship should look like. What do you do when you disagree? Or what if someone hurts you? I believe in forgiveness, totally, but does that mean a friendship should go on or stop? Just because I forgive someone doesn’t mean I need to endure that kind of treatment again and again. At least that is what I think.
I think I have a way about me, that even though I am saying one thing out my mouth, somehow people interpret it to mean something else. Or at least that is what I am wondering.
Truthfully, when I say I care about someone and consider them a friend, that is no small feat for me. I am genuine. I mean what I say. I am sacrificial, many times I put others needs before my own personal needs. I won’t sacrifice my kids for others though, and sometimes that can be interpreted as I don’t care about that person, but not so. I just need to take care of my family FIRST.
My hugest challenge, how to make friends who actually have stuff in common with me? And then, how to truly make them my friend and keep them my friend. LOL. I long for a close connection with a godly friend, who thinks like me and wants to seek God like I do, and who will pray with me. I am not sure how to accomplish this. I have been praying and asking God for this for years. We keep moving, though, and that’s not helpful. One of the hazards of being an air force wife, I suppose.
I am really afraid of venturing out there and letting people know that I want to be their friend. Will I be accepted? Will I be rejected? Is it safe to let others know what I am thinking and feeling? Will I be judged? I so want authentic and real relationships.
This is my heart and what I am laying on the alter with God at the moment….