A few years ago, in dealing with my overwhelming need to feel like I had something of my very own, somewhere I could be myself, let my hair down, and put my thoughts out there…. I started this blog! Actually it started on blogger, then I moved it to another blog on blogger… then I moved to wordpress, and changed it again on wordpress. This has been my final home, at least for the time being. *wink, wink*
I felt a bit like I had been losing who I am in this world of children, husband, chores, and chaos. And yet, in starting my blog, guess what I talk about most? Children, husband, chores, and chaos. *sigh* I can’t escape it, no matter how hard I try, without running away from it. Lord knows I don’t want that. This still is my escape… in a sense….
I have kind of let my blog rest in a place where I blog when I have the time. Or when I have the inspiration to say something meaningful. Except for my updates for when I feel I haven’t been here enough.
I think though that my whole life needs a lot more purpose. No, I don’t mean that I need to stop doing what I am doing and do something else, but it needs me to purposely do what I am doing instead of flying by the seat of my pants. I hate not having a schedule and a plan. My last child, God knows I love her, kind of shoved her way into every area of life and made life more difficult. I hate saying that, but it’s true, and I have a hard time sticking to a schedule because she won’t be on a schedule. For goodness sakes, just last night she was up until 2 am. Yes, you read that right, 2 am. She had a half hour nap around 6, because she was exhausted, and then bedtime came and went and she was not tired. Around 11, I put a more concentrated effort into getting her to sleep, but she was wound up and was not to be deterred from her craziness. I tried everything, finally, after I lost it a bit about 1:30 am when I was so tired I couldn’t see straight, I stood up and rocked her to sleep. I rocked for a long, long time…. Anyway, my point is, she makes it difficult for me to stick to a schedule, but I think if I at least went back to makings lists for stuff, I could make a more focused effort to get done what needs to be done and in that I can throw down my ideas for my blog. Cause I have ideas, I just am in the shower or somewhere I can’t physically type up a blog post when I have those ideas and then when I sit down those awesome words I put together earlier are gone. 😦
I want to be more purposeful in other areas too, like cleaning the house. The kids have chores and I have chores, but I need to clean a zone per day I think like some people suggest. Areas in my house are lacking attention until I lose it one day and just go all psycho cleaning it. It’s no fun for anyone around here.
Purpose. That is my focus for this month. Being purposeful in what I do. 🙂
Now just pray I can be purposeful in my purposefulness. 😀 (BIG CHEESY GRIN)