I wrestle with so many things in my life. The biggest one is insecurity.
I realized recently that one of the things holding me back from blogging consistently is insecurity. I am afraid of saying the wrong thing, the wrong way. I am afraid of not measuring up to others in the blogosphere. I read other people’s blogs and I instantly think, I wish I had wrote that!
I do not feel comfy in my own skin, let alone, my own writings. I put this out here in the blogosphere, and while I do not expect accolades, I do hope for some sort of connection to others. I fear though that I share too much. Too much negativity. Too much positivity. That’s probably not a word. I fear I will share too much of ME. If I share too much, will others relate? Will they understand me? Will they really see me as me or will it paint a different picture than I had intended? I have become so keenly aware of how social media is just a glimpse into someone’s life. We think the door is wide open, and yet it is just cracked. Look at your friends facebook page, I bet you will only find pics of them smiling, laughing, having fun, and looking good. Rarely do we see others in the bad light. And everyone has some bad light sometimes.
As I contemplate what all this means, and what it means for me, I am challenged to find the words to say what I want to say. To represent me in the best way, and yet be as “real” as I am, and paint you the truly authentic picture of who I am.
That is what I know I have to do. Be authentic. Be who I am! Stop worrying about what others think.
Psalm 139- 13 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. 14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. 15 My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, 16 your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.